Cheer for Yourself
“You have to build what you want to enjoy.”
My mentor, Claire Holsbrough, said those words to me recently and they have been dancing in my head ever since. As I reshuffle some things in my personal and professional life, the lesson that snatched me by the collar this week that also aligned perfectly with what she shared was, I must also protect as I build.
Let me tell you what I mean…
One of the things that I’m working on is self-management- essentially, how I use my time. I was the queen of sleeping until 7:30am- sometimes 7:45am. I was not a morning person, and it was a badge I wore quite proudly. I would literally wake up and scurry through the necessary morning activities (bathe, brush my teeth, etc.) without even taking as much as 5 minutes to tell God thank you for waking me up. I know…you have every right to give me the side-eye here.
Truth be told I often took advantage of my “flexible work hours” and the justification would be, “I can come in late because I work late so the hours will balance themselves out,” you know what I mean? There have been instances though where I was needed but I wasn’t yet at my desk and those moments were quite embarrassing for me. After a while I started to feel a way about showing up just in time for meetings or being the friend who was always “5 minutes away.” I finally got sick of my shenanigans and wanted to be and do better.
In comes my mentor with a golden yet daunting recommendation; she encouraged me to start waking up at 5am.
5AM! Not 6 or even 6:30, but 5AM! As in, before the sun was up, 5am. Everyone else is still in bed, 5am. I’m super comfortable and don’t want to move, 5am! I was nervous and resistant at first. This new ritual threatened the laziness I had fallen in love with, but I knew that if I was serious about improving at least one aspect of my life- my time management, I needed to challenge the old and make way for the new.
The first day of this new routine, I woke up at 7:15am. The night before? I tossed and turned because of the anxiety that was wrapped up in the thought of having to get up at 5am. Mind you, I didn’t have to, but my mentor made me want to. She made me want to do this for myself. So, when I told her that I missed the mark on the first day, she lovingly coached me through the feelings of disappointment and embarrassment that washed over me after I got out of bed.
The next day? I got up at 5am and I did my routine based on some recommendations she mentor shared. I used that quiet time to move my body, journal (making sure to note the things that I’m grateful for), and then I set my goals for the day. And guess what time I got to work? 8:30am on the nose!
I felt so good and so proud of myself that when a friend of mine messaged me saying good morning and asked how I was doing, I jumped at the opportunity to share my small victory of not hitting snooze when my alarm went off. This is someone who knows my track record with time, too.
The response was encouraging, and the vibes was nice during our chat.
The next day, I got up at 5am again, but this time I got to work at 9am because I was so engrossed in my journaling practice that I spent a little extra time getting my thoughts out (I had quite a bit to say that morning). Even though I didn’t get to work at the same time as the day before I was still proud of myself for: one, getting up and not staying in bed, and two, having a fulfilling morning before my workday actually started.
When my friend checked in and asked what time I made it to work, I said, 9am. Still feeling very much proud of myself. The response I got was, “Later than yesterday.” Now, for the average person this response would have rolled off their back. Some would have blown past it and not give it a second thought. As a highly sensitive person? This was gut punch.
I felt embarrassed. I felt crushed. And I was stunned. At one point I was armed and ready to throw shade via my WhatsApp story (which would have been a petty response, I know), but then God was like, “You’re only going to feel worse when you end up going back and forth with this person, because YOU KNOW they’re going to read it and ask you what’s up.”
I decided against posting “drop-wud” status and chose to talk myself through the negative surge of emotions, the way my mentor taught me. She often explains that when you’re highly sensitive, you can easily read the intentions behind people’s words no matter how subtle. She often quips that being highly sensitive is both a blessing and a curse. And I agree with her. As a highly sensitive person herself, she can relate a lot to many of my experiences.
When I shared with her the interaction I had with my friend, we both had a good laugh at the way in which I told the story- which was very dramatic and suspenseful, by the way. But then she calmly said to me, “Welcome to the real world, hun.” She went on to explain that some people will downplay your smallest achievements, overlook your efforts, and criticize your level of your growth and when that happens, instead of letting the negative feelings fester and eventually consume us, we should see the experience as a blessing in disguise, one that made us aware of who we can share what with. It’s funny that she said that because in a previous conversation, I was lightly sharing about wanting to improve myself in certain areas and while talking I felt strongly that I shouldn’t say too much to this person about the changes I’m making and why I’m making them. I should just let them see the changes for themselves.
I understand now why I got that feeling.
The people who really care about you will applaud your big wins AND your smallest triumphs. They will encourage you when you miss the mark, not remind you of past failures.
As you build yourself and the life you’ve always dreamed of, understand that not everyone will be as supportive as you’d like. When you get that gut feeling to not disclose certain things, listen to it. It’s trying to protect you. That was the lesson I learned that day. And second to that is this, even when others don’t cheer for you, cheer for yourself.
Thank you for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts on today’s post.
Leave me a comment below or email me at: alicia@notetoselfdiaries.com
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