Square Pegs and Round Holes
I’ve been thinking a lot about my voice as a writer.
Meditating heavily on how I want to come across and be received by you, my reader.
I don’t know just yet what my “writer’s voice” is, but what is becoming more evident to me (even though it’s hard to practice a lot of times) is, if I keep trying to be like other writers- copying their style and imitating their “voice” I’m only taking away from getting to know myself in this space. I can admire and share other people’s work, of course, but then I’d ask myself, “what about your work and what you have to say? What about your point of views? Isn’t that worth sharing, too?
Now, my personality is like this: if you show me one way, I’ll do it that one way, and often put myself in a mental prison thinking there is no other way. This staunch obedience to certain “rules” is something my mentor, Claire Holsbrough, is helping me break away from. On Instagram, for example, one of “the rules” is if you want people stay on your post longer (which works in the algorithm’s favor) and eventually visit your page and hit that follow button, you have to add a compelling caption to your post- one that tells a story and gives further context to what you’ve just shared. Learning about this and hearing it time and time again from the social media gurus, I’d think, what happens if I don’t have a paragraph to share about what inspired my post? Do I still share it without a lengthy caption? Or do I save it as a draft and construct a read-worthy caption later? With these thoughts, and so many others firing off in my head, what usually ends up happening is that I wouldn’t post at all. Instead, I’d repost someone else’s written content to fill the void I created of once again overthinking whether I should share my musings or not.
Reflecting on this behavior as I share with you, I realize that even though it’s good to know the rules, and there are instances that warrant following the rules to the T, it’s also okay to embrace and sometimes lean all the way into the fact that some rules won’t always apply to us, and when we try our hardest to do as we’re told, sometimes what ends up happening is we lose ourselves in the process, often relinquishing the enthusiasm to enjoy the things that bring us joy. This stalling of our creativity under the guise of “I have to follow the rules” also robs those who enjoy what we produce the opportunity to continue enjoying. Did they have a problem with what we were doing and how we were choosing to do it? No. We just allowed ourselves to go down the rabbit hole of self-sabotage which was fueled by comparison.
In this new season of my life, the lesson that has been screaming at me from every angle possible is, BE YOURSELF! At 31 years old I am now consciously practicing being myself. And it’s hard at times because of YEARS of comparing and wanting to be liked even when it meant denying, hiding, and sometimes burring who I truly am, what I genuinely enjoy, and how I like to express myself.
With so many people telling us how to be, it’s easy to get lost in that and continue to contort ourselves into boxes we were never meant to be in.
We often forget that we hold the power to mold and change ourselves, and as my mentor is helping me to understand, and digest, while having information is great, a lot of what we gather as we learn is simply a guide, a framework to get us started. She reminds me often that nothing is set in stone; I am free to tweak and customize as I see fit. The ultimate goal is to be happy with myself and what I’ve produced.
If we’re to be honest, a lot of times we look over at what someone else is doing because we don’t feel confident about our approach, our style, our flare…our way of doing. “Sarah is doing it this way and she’s gaining traction so that must mean my way of doing it is wrong.” Or…it could simply be that Sarah was consistent in her approach and as a result she gained the traction you now admire. The question then is, are we sticking with it long enough (whatever our “it” is) to see where it takes us or are we stuck in this cycle of “improving” without releasing because we’re constantly second guessing ourselves?
As I typed that it gut punched me too.
What I’ve been sitting with is this: I have to give myself permission to simply be me. And in this season that looks like replacing the comparing, and the second guessing with leaning into expressing myself in ways that feed my joy- even when it doesn’t feel cool, or there is no round of applause.
How are you choosing to stand in your authenticity?
I would love to hear from you. Email me at alicia@notetoselfdiaries.com
Find me on Instagram: @hercandidlife
